Self-love – Loving yourself to love others

Self love… oh boy, this is a topic that could go so many different directions.. First let’s saying Thank you to Bernadette for even thinking of me to do this! I’ve never been a “model” in front of the Camera before, being a makeup artist I’m always in the background making sure everything is looking their absolute best. BUT – you need to wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror  and go “damn – you are beautiful, you have your career on the right path, you have a loving family, and boyfriend (who loves you even on those days when you’re feeling your absolute worst)  – and your killing it.”

 

Here we go – (deep breaths!) Self Love is huge – it’s a huge lesson for any woman or man to learn about themselves, and I have to say, the past couple years have taught me a TON about it, and I truthfully believe every single person out there needs to love themselves. No. Matter. What.

 

No amount of lip injections, Botox, filler, plastic surgery, money etc, can make you love yourself. You have to dig deep and find the things that truly make you happy. Yes – you can absolutely pile on the makeup, change your appearance, buy the nice clothes, hang out with the “cool people” but are you truly happy? Probably not.  Let’s be honest – those people you see out in the world with all the things I mentioned above, acting “confident” probably aren’t.  I myself have made the mistake of hanging out with people I thought would make me feel better about myself, or buying certain clothes that were “cool” and holy shit I was wrong and was headed down the wrong path. You start to see the sides of people you don’t agree with, or don’t want anything to do with and you second guess yourself, thinking “Is this really who I want to be with? Is this what I want my life to be like?” If your answer is no – time to do some deep soul searching.

 

First thing I did to change for the better – cut those people out. Yes, it can be unbelievably difficult (I myself try to see the best in everyone) but some people can be toxic, and just weigh you down. You need to surround yourself with people who truly give a shit about you, they want to see you succeed, and they want to see you happy. THESE are the people you need in your life. One of those people who have helped me with this (besides my parents – I swear I need to listen to them more often)  is Amber Leigh of Amber Leigh Photography. I met Amber this past bridal season when she came to the rescue for a wedding my girls were working on. Afterwards, Amber and I did some collabs together, and I knew this lady was going to stick. She’s real, she knows what she wants, and she will straight up tell you how it is and if your being an idiot. She has made a HUGE impact on my life, even my man says “Babe, you gotta hang out with more people like her.” Every time I need advice on something, I’ll text her and she is ALWAYS there to respond. Another gooder I have to mention is Diana Battung of Happy Bees Events and Studios – you can instantly tell by the name of her business, she is one positive woman to be around. Not only is she absolutely STUNNING, she is so calm & collected and gives the best advice. This definitely isn’t a “go follow these woman, they are great” it’s more of a “thank god I met these woman who push me in the right direction, whether they know it or not.”

 

This is definitely just a brief start into my own self love journey, but I know over time it’s just going to keep getting better and better. You need to do what’s best for you, no matter what. This is YOUR life. Wake up in the morning and look at yourself, there is NOBODY out there like you, you’re one of a kind.Think about what you have, what you are thankful for. Cut those negative people out of your life, and focus on the positive. It has been one of the most empowering feelings in the world to wake up and know I am on the right path. F$*@ the haters – and do YOU.

 

As my fellow ginger once said… “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

– Shayla Rose, Rose Quartz Makeup

Makeup by Shayla Rose from Rose Quartz Makeup Services https://www.facebook.com/Rosequartzmakeup/

Photography by Happy Bee Events http://www.happybeesevents.com/

 

You are loved – Rock your self-confidence

“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.” – Kristen Neff

 

This quote really resonates with me and my long journey to self-love. Growing up I was picked on a lot for being overweight. When I didn’t stand up for myself I was called weak and when I did stand up for myself, apparently, I didn’t know how to take a joke. If I said I love my curves and I’m beautiful people would say I was conceited and full of myself. If someone else told me I was beautiful and I acted modest I was called insecure. I learned people always have something to say; “why don’t you go on a diet”, “you should try going to the gym”, “you’re so pretty, but you’d be even prettier if you lost a few pounds”. I think my journey really began when I moved out of my parent’s house at age 20. This was my first time ever having a “safe space” as my family home was very hostile and I was badly bullied at school. I finally had a quiet place alone to emotionally heal, and I spent A LOT of time alone those first few months.

Eventually I went to therapy and that’s where the real healing began. I won’t go into details but I had a lot of, and a lot of types of, anxiety. I worked through a lot of it with my therapist and then decided I was in a good enough mental state to go at it alone. I finally started to learn how to love myself, it was such a slow and painful process that I can’t really put my finger on that exact AH-HAH moment, but I’d say it was when I was around 24/25 – to put that in perspective, I just turned 27. Now-a-days showing myself love comes in so many forms. If I want those shoes, I buy them because I deserve them! And the next day self-love means not giving myself a hard time for buying yet ANOTHER pair of shoes. Self-love is being kind to myself on days when I just can’t bother to be social because deep down I know giving myself anxiety about having anxiety is just counterproductive. Self-love is accepting that I have never been skinny, and I probably will never be skinny and that I don’t NEED to be skinny to be worthy of someone else’s love. Self-love is not feeling guilty for putting me first when I need it most. Sometimes self-love is just letting myself have a good cry when I need it and then picking myself back up and getting done whatever overwhelmed me in the first place.

Most importantly through all this I learned that self-love was not letting people’s opinion define me because that was the problem to begin with. There was nothing wrong with me when I started kindergarten and got picked on for being fat, for real though – I WASN’T EVEN OVERWEIGHT! I let other people’s opinions of me define me and bring me down, I let their opinions become my reality because I was too young to know any better. My parents always made sure I had what I needed when it came to the necessities, but they weren’t very useful for emotional needs and they didn’t know how to deal with what I was going through at school. In therapy, me and little Emily made amends for everything I couldn’t do for us because I was never taught how. She knows it wasn’t her fault and more importantly she knows that her future does get better and that she is so loved, by herself and others.