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Self-love – Loving yourself to love others

Self love… oh boy, this is a topic that could go so many different directions.. First let’s saying Thank you to Bernadette for even thinking of me to do this! I’ve never been a “model” in front of the Camera before, being a makeup artist I’m always in the background making sure everything is looking their absolute best. BUT – you need to wake up in the morning, look at yourself in the mirror  and go “damn – you are beautiful, you have your career on the right path, you have a loving family, and boyfriend (who loves you even on those days when you’re feeling your absolute worst)  – and your killing it.”

 

Here we go – (deep breaths!) Self Love is huge – it’s a huge lesson for any woman or man to learn about themselves, and I have to say, the past couple years have taught me a TON about it, and I truthfully believe every single person out there needs to love themselves. No. Matter. What.

 

No amount of lip injections, Botox, filler, plastic surgery, money etc, can make you love yourself. You have to dig deep and find the things that truly make you happy. Yes – you can absolutely pile on the makeup, change your appearance, buy the nice clothes, hang out with the “cool people” but are you truly happy? Probably not.  Let’s be honest – those people you see out in the world with all the things I mentioned above, acting “confident” probably aren’t.  I myself have made the mistake of hanging out with people I thought would make me feel better about myself, or buying certain clothes that were “cool” and holy shit I was wrong and was headed down the wrong path. You start to see the sides of people you don’t agree with, or don’t want anything to do with and you second guess yourself, thinking “Is this really who I want to be with? Is this what I want my life to be like?” If your answer is no – time to do some deep soul searching.

 

First thing I did to change for the better – cut those people out. Yes, it can be unbelievably difficult (I myself try to see the best in everyone) but some people can be toxic, and just weigh you down. You need to surround yourself with people who truly give a shit about you, they want to see you succeed, and they want to see you happy. THESE are the people you need in your life. One of those people who have helped me with this (besides my parents – I swear I need to listen to them more often)  is Amber Leigh of Amber Leigh Photography. I met Amber this past bridal season when she came to the rescue for a wedding my girls were working on. Afterwards, Amber and I did some collabs together, and I knew this lady was going to stick. She’s real, she knows what she wants, and she will straight up tell you how it is and if your being an idiot. She has made a HUGE impact on my life, even my man says “Babe, you gotta hang out with more people like her.” Every time I need advice on something, I’ll text her and she is ALWAYS there to respond. Another gooder I have to mention is Diana Battung of Happy Bees Events and Studios – you can instantly tell by the name of her business, she is one positive woman to be around. Not only is she absolutely STUNNING, she is so calm & collected and gives the best advice. This definitely isn’t a “go follow these woman, they are great” it’s more of a “thank god I met these woman who push me in the right direction, whether they know it or not.”

 

This is definitely just a brief start into my own self love journey, but I know over time it’s just going to keep getting better and better. You need to do what’s best for you, no matter what. This is YOUR life. Wake up in the morning and look at yourself, there is NOBODY out there like you, you’re one of a kind.Think about what you have, what you are thankful for. Cut those negative people out of your life, and focus on the positive. It has been one of the most empowering feelings in the world to wake up and know I am on the right path. F$*@ the haters – and do YOU.

 

As my fellow ginger once said… “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball

– Shayla Rose, Rose Quartz Makeup

Makeup by Shayla Rose from Rose Quartz Makeup Services https://www.facebook.com/Rosequartzmakeup/

Photography by Happy Bee Events http://www.happybeesevents.com/

 

You are loved – Rock your self-confidence

“I found in my research that the biggest reason people aren’t more self-compassionate is that they are afraid they’ll become self-indulgent. They believe self-criticism is what keeps them in line. Most people have gotten it wrong because our culture says being hard on yourself is the way to be.” – Kristen Neff

 

This quote really resonates with me and my long journey to self-love. Growing up I was picked on a lot for being overweight. When I didn’t stand up for myself I was called weak and when I did stand up for myself, apparently, I didn’t know how to take a joke. If I said I love my curves and I’m beautiful people would say I was conceited and full of myself. If someone else told me I was beautiful and I acted modest I was called insecure. I learned people always have something to say; “why don’t you go on a diet”, “you should try going to the gym”, “you’re so pretty, but you’d be even prettier if you lost a few pounds”. I think my journey really began when I moved out of my parent’s house at age 20. This was my first time ever having a “safe space” as my family home was very hostile and I was badly bullied at school. I finally had a quiet place alone to emotionally heal, and I spent A LOT of time alone those first few months.

Eventually I went to therapy and that’s where the real healing began. I won’t go into details but I had a lot of, and a lot of types of, anxiety. I worked through a lot of it with my therapist and then decided I was in a good enough mental state to go at it alone. I finally started to learn how to love myself, it was such a slow and painful process that I can’t really put my finger on that exact AH-HAH moment, but I’d say it was when I was around 24/25 – to put that in perspective, I just turned 27. Now-a-days showing myself love comes in so many forms. If I want those shoes, I buy them because I deserve them! And the next day self-love means not giving myself a hard time for buying yet ANOTHER pair of shoes. Self-love is being kind to myself on days when I just can’t bother to be social because deep down I know giving myself anxiety about having anxiety is just counterproductive. Self-love is accepting that I have never been skinny, and I probably will never be skinny and that I don’t NEED to be skinny to be worthy of someone else’s love. Self-love is not feeling guilty for putting me first when I need it most. Sometimes self-love is just letting myself have a good cry when I need it and then picking myself back up and getting done whatever overwhelmed me in the first place.

Most importantly through all this I learned that self-love was not letting people’s opinion define me because that was the problem to begin with. There was nothing wrong with me when I started kindergarten and got picked on for being fat, for real though – I WASN’T EVEN OVERWEIGHT! I let other people’s opinions of me define me and bring me down, I let their opinions become my reality because I was too young to know any better. My parents always made sure I had what I needed when it came to the necessities, but they weren’t very useful for emotional needs and they didn’t know how to deal with what I was going through at school. In therapy, me and little Emily made amends for everything I couldn’t do for us because I was never taught how. She knows it wasn’t her fault and more importantly she knows that her future does get better and that she is so loved, by herself and others.

What does self love mean to me?

What is self love? I could sit here and list off all the things that I feel self love embodies, but for so many the struggle is not so much self-love, but where it actually begins – self care. Someone once said to me “You cannot truly love yourself until you can care for yourself”. I never quite understood the meaning of this until recently.

For me, 2016 was the year that almost broke me. It tore my life apart in ways I never imagined possible leaving me to reassemble the unfamiliar pieces of who I was. I was exhausted, burnout physically and emotionally and knew something needed to change. I am re-learning self love, beginning with self care. While I’m still early on in my journey, I want to share with you what I’ve learned so far;

  • Listen to your inner voice. You already know it’s right.

It sounds SO cliche! But think about how many times you ignore that voice that is screaming at you from inside. Often, we let our titles as women, wives, business owners, care takers, moms, define who we think we need to be. And why do these titles come with so much pressure from ourselves? We already know we can’t do it all but we try anyways. Listen to that inner voice that is screaming for one more hour of sleep and one less activity to take on. Don’t worry, the world won’t stop and no one will die. It might feel like it at the time but I promise you, taking back that power feels amazing!

  • Your energy is the most precious commodity you have. Protect if fiercely and spend it wisely.

Think of money. You only have so much in your bank account to spend, when it’s gone you either earn more, or go into debt. You spend money on the basic foundations of life (food, shelter), on things and experiences that make you happy and get you ahead in life. It’s awful when you must spend money unexpectedly on things you don’t really want to spend money on such as house or car repairs. The same rings true for your energy.  Be aware of your energy levels during and after certain activities and after being around certain people. Do you feel drained, or enriched? Focus on those experiences and people who enrich you and make your energy sing! If you go into “energy debt” make sure you do things for yourself to recharge so you’re not constantly feeling depleted. You’re the only person who can do this, and trust me Sister, no one else is gonna do it for you so be fearless and aware with you energy expenditures.

  • Never feel that you need to have an excuse for anything you decide to do on your journey to self love.

If you feel like you need to make excuses as to why you are taking care of yourself, it’s probably because it’s new and you feel guilty because you feel you “should” be doing something else. We all know the self-induced guilt trip too well. Just stop it! Easier said then done, right? One of the best ways I’ve found to overcome is this to be honest and upfront with your friends and family (your support system) about your journey into self care and self love. Tell them the reasons why and suddenly taking time for yourself, doing things that enrich you and make you feel whole, don’t seem like such a big deal. It becomes natural and your support system will even.. support you in it! Imagine that! If you still find yourself making excuses for not taking care of yourself, explore that deeper. List all the reasons why you feel you need to make excuses and address them each individually. I found that my list was long and I needed help to overcome some of the challenges, so I saw a counselor for some extra support. Best money I’ve ever spent and I got so much more out of it then I thought I would.

While self love is SO important, I truly believe that you cannot love yourself until you learn to take care of yourself. Self love is natural and follows when we allow ourselves the opportunity to be stable and solid with who we are. If you take the time to care for yourself and listen to your inner voice, that foundation sets you up for the most stable and pure understanding of who you are without doubt. With this, self love always follows

Best wishes in your own personal journey!

– Caylen Wallace, Canvas Candle Company

Makeup by Shayla Rose from Rose Quartz Makeup Services https://www.facebook.com/Rosequartzmakeup/

Photography by Sabrina from Sequel Photography
https://www.facebook.com/sequelphotography/

Earrings by Glass & Brass Vintage https://www.etsy.com/shop/glassandbrassvintage

& Tanned and Beautiful https://tanned-and-beautiful.myshopify.com/

Nursing Bracelet from Dear Loves Company https://www.dearlovesco.com/

I am Worthy

Such a simple phrase, but one that I have to tell myself every morning in my mirror. But, what exactly does that phrase mean?

 

What am I worthy of? The answer, unlike the phrase, is not as simple for me. Learning to love yourself and know what you deserve is never easy.

Loving ourselves sometimes seems a bit impractical. We spend all of our time and energy living busy lifestyles, in which we tend to fail to consider our well-being.

We live in such a demanding society. We often work overtime hours or run our own companies on the side of out 9-5 jobs. Deadlines seem to come to an end quicker than you plan. University students juggle part-time jobs and studying while going to school full time. Many women have families that rely and depend on them for basic needs. How do we even have a free moment to even think of the possibility of providing our bodies with self-care and self-love?

Loving ourselves is in fact easier said than done. In all actuality, it is an extremely hard act to do for ourselves. When it comes to loving other people, we never question it. We believe it is our duty to do so, to love our friends, family, and our significant other with everything we have, with all of our strength, whether we believe we have the right amount of strength to do so or not.

It is simple to love others genuinely, because we were taught our whole lives to do so. But no one has ever taught us how to actually love ourselves. We were taught through Nicholas Spark’s novels and movies that we have to rely on other people to love us, but where does self-love come into play? Maybe that is why we fail to love ourselves first, because it is something that no one ever stressed the importance of.

We have to be mindful that between classes, working overtime, taking care of children, and running businesses that our bodies and minds deserve love, from us, first. It is only once we learn to love ourselves that we can truly understand our self-worth.

I often look in the mirror and question if I am good enough, if I’m worthy of my success, worthy of being loved by my family, worthy of having a healthy relationship with my boyfriend. For many years I have put myself down- told myself that I wasn’t ‘good enough’. I forgot to take care of my body and my mind.

Once I started taking the time to learn to love myself, I began to notice changes in my job, relationship, and life.  I stopped worrying about my thigh gap (or lack thereof), I felt more confident to speak up at work and have my ideas heard, and I noticed how my relationship became stronger.

No matter your relationship status, your income amount, the kind of car you drive, the kind of home you live in and the kind of family you come from, you know in your heart that you are so incredibly worthy.  You are more than just “good enough.” You know all the great things that you’re capable of.

It all just starts with that simple phrase in the mirror.

‘I am Worthy’

– Christine Jamieson

Makeup by Shayla Rose from Rose Quartz Makeup Services https://www.facebook.com/Rosequartzmakeup/

Photography by Sabrina from Sequel Photography
https://www.facebook.com/sequelphotography/

Earrings by Glass & Brass Vintage https://www.etsy.com/shop/glassandbrassvintage

How thick is my skin?

Kaylene is a student here in the Fraser Valley and grew up in a small town that is about 2 hours outside of Edmonton Alberta. She is like a little sister to me and I am very proud to watch her grow into a mature and humble woman. I have watched her willing to make hard decisions to better herself and not take the easy road. I know God has great things in store for her life, thank you for sharing your heart little sis.

Self-love has been something I have struggled with majority of life. That is one thing I wish they taught you in school, other than algebra and history books. I pondered on this topic for weeks and I honestly have never had such a difficult time to write my thoughts as I have on this subject. I have not mastered self-love, so I do admit I am in a process of understanding what this word means to me, along with the necessary actions I need to make to fulfill the word “self-love.”

This last year has been a very difficult year for me, due to the loss of six loved ones. I lost myself in my grief, and in depression. I did not take the necessary actions to take care of myself. I struggled with anxiety attacks, insomnia, loss of appetite, isolating myself, and even found myself buying a pack of cigarettes here and there. Staying busy at University and work helped me to suppress my emotions for it was the only way I knew how to cope.

Due to that difficult year, I am left thinking of how I can change my actions to take care of Kaylene for the year of 2017. I am hit hard in the chest with this silence of what to say about self-love; I honestly feel I do not love myself in a healthy way right now. That is just my reality. I am sad by it, yet, this has brought attention to what I need to address.

The last few months, I have really struggled with completely and authentically loving myself. I have deprived myself of love. I have been wrestling with memories and hurts from my past, and it’s left me feeling ashamed, and unworthy. I have a history of trauma, addiction, self-harm, and being in abusive relationships, yet, I try every day to leave those days behind and to continue moving forward. To practice forgiveness so I may have peace, and attain deeper healing. Not by just forgiving others, but also by forgiving myself too. Somedays are easier than others though, as deeper roots of hurt from these experiences arise from time to time.

Now, how do I go about applying self-love? By putting on some make-up and standing in front of a camera? No. By going to the only solution that can teach me the first fundamental teachings about love-by going to Jesus Christ. By taking time out of my day to spend time with Him. To find my identity in God, rather than of the world. The world we live in is flawed, as are we humans, but thanks to God, I can have peace knowing I am enough for Him. I just have to spend time with Him and be reminded of some things that I have become blinded to. Such as knowing I am enough; that I am loved. Knowing I am worthy. That I must come first sometimes too.

I am learning to love every attribute about Kaylene, from my imperfections, my flaws, my successes, my weaknesses, my strengths, my nationality, my past, and my present. I am learning how to love my physical self, my mind, my experiences, my heart, my spirit, and the ones around me that helped shape me into who I am today. To love my ancestors that came before me. To love the God of the universe who formed me, perfectly in my mother’s womb. To one day know, deep down in my heart without a doubt, that I am worthy of love and greatness.

Ways in which I see self-love is by buying myself flowers because they are captivating like I. It looks like taking a day off and getting lost in the outdoors. To keep away from things that are poisonous to my well-being, which is why I decided two years ago, to never put drugs or alcohol into my body ever again. It looks like being gentle and gracious with myself when I make mistakes. It looks like discovering who I am as a First Nations Cree woman. It looks like reclaiming my cultural practices, my voice, my potential, and my purpose. It looks like redefining my identity as a Godly woman. It looks like staring in front of the mirror, smiling at my reflection after I remove all my make-up before bed, for this is when I feel most beautiful.

Self-love looks like loving the woman I used to be, the woman I am now, and the woman I aspire to be; I am not where I want to be, but I am far from where I used to be, and that is okay because I am a working piece of art that God will never give up on.

– Kaylene Gambler

Makeup by Shayla Rose from Rose Quartz Makeup Services https://www.facebook.com/Rosequartzmakeup/

Photography by Sabrina from Sequel Photography
https://www.facebook.com/sequelphotography/

What is self love?

Next up to share on our series about self-love is the sweet Melissa!

To me self love is looking in the mirror and being able to say I like the person  looking back at me. There are going to be days when I look in the mirror and I’m going to love the person starring back at me. Days when my eyebrows are on point and my eyeliner is perfectly even. And that matte lipstick I had to wait 2 months to come in to stock looks so bomb. Days when I look in the mirror and just have to give a hair flick because I’m just so proud of the finished product that only took me 3 hours to accomplish.

But to me self love is also being able to look at the person starring in the mirror and say, it’s ok that I just gained back that 5 pounds it took me a week and a half to lose, because I decided it was necessary at the time to eat a large pizza to myself, and wash it down with a litre jug of chocolate milk.

Self love is going into a clothing store and trying on every single garment that tickles my fancy and not caring what the size on the tag says. Then realizing that it really was a great decision to eat that pizza because it just helped me fill out the booty in those jeans that I now can’t live without!

Self love is embracing that tummy that society tell us is undesirable, and rocking that cute two piece I just found online. It is being ok with the fact that I will never in my lifetime ever have a thigh gap, or lips like Kylie Jenner.

Self love is embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly. It’s not letting people tell me that I am less a person because I don’t look a certain way, or think a certain way. Self love is realizing my worth and potential, and that I am enough!

Self love is being empowered. It is having the courage to not only pick myself up, but others around me. It is encouraging others to love themselves. It is contagious.

Self love is choosing to see the positive and void the negative. It is holding my head high and strutting down the catwalk of my life with purpose and a fierceness that is a force to be reckoned with.

Self love is looking in the mirror and being able to say I like the person looking back at me.

– Melissa Norman.

Makeup by Shayla Rose from Rose Quartz Makeup Services https://www.facebook.com/Rosequartzmakeup/

Imagery by Sabrina from Sequel Photography
https://www.facebook.com/sequelphotography/